Wikipedia:Peer review/York City F.C./archive1

I am hoping to get this to FAC sometime. I was wandering if there is anything more that needs adding. Mattythewhite 19:09, 1 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Bigmike

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Ten out of ten for effort in improving this article! Check out the other football club featured articles, such as Arsenal, Sheffield Wednesday and Ipswich Town to get an indication of what is required for a FA. Some of these points were suggested to me when I peer-reviewed Hereford United F.C.. Bigmike 23:17, 1 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Hope this helps. Bigmike 23:17, 1 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Qwghlm

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  • Be consistent in use of singular/plural - either is fine but stick to one.
  • I would put the "Some sources state" sentence after the sentence about the club's foundation - that way a definite fact is followed by a partially-verified statement.
      Done Mattythewhite 09:02, 16 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • I actually think you don't need to reference every sentence with a footnote; easily-verified and non-controversial information such as movements between divisions are not necessary. The red & blue NET footnote could just become a general reference.
      Done 09:29, 23 April 2007 (UTC)
  • The whole history section should be a lot shorter.
      Done I've shortened down the history section. Mattythewhite 09:02, 16 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • The prose is quite halting, a lot of the sentences are a bit stubby and could be joined together, e.g.
York were elected to the Football League in 1929. They originally played at Fulfordgate, from 1921-1932. York moved to their present home of Bootham Crescent in the summer of 1932.
really could be better, expand the first sentence (perhaps worth mentioning who York replace when they joined the League and the reasons for their election?) and merge the second and third together.

There's probably a few more minor ones but those are the main ones. The main issue is the prose in the History section - it needs to be more concise, and the sentences should flow together better. The manual of style's notes on summary style and guide to writing better articles are useful resources in restructuring prose to.

Comments by Daddy Kindsoul

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Yes, but thats because they haven't had intensive work done on them. -- Mattythewhite 20:38, 6 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Rambling Man

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Hey, very good article, a few suggestions you may consider:

Hope that helps, let me know if you want anything more, or any help getting the article ready for FA nomination. The Rambling Man 16:51, 15 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]